Humour
Quotes
I Have Nothing to Declare
“Can
you surf really well, then?"
I
looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez,
Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He
went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a
daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena,
the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a
cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my
girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored
sack and throw him to the wolves.)”
―
Rick Riordan
“I
have nothing to declare except my genius.”
―
Oscar Wilde
“I'm
killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
―
Bill Watterson
“Alec
looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on
your clothes?"
Isabelle
shrugged philosophically. "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt.”
―
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
“Magnus,
standing by the door, snapped his fingers impatiently. "Move it along,
teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent
self."
"Canoodle?"
repeated Clary, never having heard the word before.
"Magnificent?"
repeated Jace, who was just being nasty. Magnus growled. The growl sounded like
"Get out.”
―
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
“Why
are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about
YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!”
―
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
“Nothing
travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad
news, which obeys its own special laws.”
―
Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
“You
deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are
usually places where you get killed.”
―
Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth
“You
can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
―
Pat Monahan
“God
does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own
devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other
players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant
of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a
Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.”
―
Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter,
Witch
“Good
sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a
good hand.”
―
Mae West
“Of
course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is
something you should do on a regular basis.”
―
Zig Ziglar, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World
“No
good deed goes unpunished.”
―
Oscar Wilde
“Five
exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
―
Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man
“Nothing
takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
― Charles
M. Schulz
“Humor
is reason gone mad.”
―
Groucho Marx
“If
you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have
come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and
let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”
―
Lemony Snicket
“What's
up?" I asked.
You
tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out
with Adrian."
It
was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."
What
the hell kind of therapy are you in?”
―
Richelle Mead, Shadow Kiss
“Oh,
we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of
kiss-my-ass?”
―
Julie Kagawa, The Iron King
“My
grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven
now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”
―
Ellen DeGeneres
