Humour
Quotes
Have
I Gone Mad?
“Sometimes
you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in
company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved
rabbit.”
―
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
“To
lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both
looks like carelessness.”
―
Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
“As long
as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
―
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
“Are
you always a smartass?'
Nope.
Sometimes I'm asleep.”
―
Jim Butcher, Blood Rites
“Humanity
takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had
known how to laugh, History would have been different.”
―
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
“They
slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.”
― F.
Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise
“Everywhere
I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that
they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have
been prevented by a good teacher.”
―
Flannery O'Connor
“have
i gone mad?
im
afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.”
―
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
“People
say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre
activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to
become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and
understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.'
If
you didn't know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction
movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie
you'd seen.
They
had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And
then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special
platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost
completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and
experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there,
completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to
occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind
adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't
unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.'
So,
next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction
movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.”
―
George Carlin, Brain Droppings
“That
wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.”
―
Stephen King, The Stand
“As
long as we don't die, this is gonna be one hell of a story.”
―
John Green, Paper Towns
“Hercules,
huh? Percy frowned. "That guy was like the Starbucks of Ancient Greece.
Everywhere you turn--there he is.”
―
Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
“Opera
is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
―
Robert Benchley
“If
an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a
pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left
arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or
right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of,
"Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!”
―
Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
“Life
is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it.”
―
Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
“You
can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that
God hates all the same people you do.”
―
Anne Lamott
“To
you, I'm an atheist.
To
God, I'm the loyal opposition.”
―
Woody Allen
“A
clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”
―
Mark Twain
“Hey,"
said Shadow. "Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are."
The
bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with
bright eyes.
"Say
'Nevermore,'" said Shadow.
"Fuck
you," said the raven.”
―
Neil Gaiman, American Gods
