Humor
Quotes - There are two types of people in this world
“You
know what would help?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.
"Hmm?"
"If
you turned off this crap music and put on something that came out after the
Berlin Wall went down."
Dimitri
laughted. "Your worst class is history, yet somehow, you know everything
about Eastern Europe."
"Hey,
gotta have material for my jokes, Comrade." Still smiling, he turned the
radio dail. To a country station.
"Hey!
This isn't what I had in mind," I exclaimed. I could tell he was on the
verge of laughing again.
"Pick.
It's one or the other."
I
sighed. "Go back to the 1980s stuff."
He
flipped the dail, and I crossed my arms over my chest as some vaguely
European-sounding band sang about how video had killed the radio star. I wished
someone would kill this radio.”
―
Richelle Mead, Frostbite
“Some
men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have
mediocrity thrust upon them.”
―
Joseph Heller
“Oh
Tigger, where are your manners?"
"I
don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am.”
―
A.A. Milne
“You've
got to get obsessed and stay obsessed.”
―
John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire
“If
you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”
―
Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping
“Let's
carpe the hell out of this diem.”
―
Alexandra Bracken, The Darkest Minds
“I
like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
―
Steve Martin
“Ask
me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand.” (Bones)”
―
Jeaniene Frost, This Side of the Grave
“My
name is Percy Jackson.
I'm
twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy
Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Am I
a troubled kid?
Yeah.
You could say that.”
―
Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief
“You
nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster!”
―
Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn
“You
should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way.
-
Breeze”
―
Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn: The Final Empire
“Have
any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?"
"Guns?"
asked Jesper.
"Ships?"
queried Inej.
"Bombs?"
suggested Wylan.
"Political
bribes?" offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. "This is where
you tell us how awful we are," she whispered.”
―
Leigh Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom
“You
should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!”
―
Lauren Myracle, ttfn
“I've
got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me,
right?"
"You
can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I
know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on
teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives,
I wouldn't."
"There
goes my Saturday.”
―
Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls
“God
is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”
―
Woody Allen
“It's
not like there's a law against flying."
"Yes
there is. The law of gravity.”
―
Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone
“I
do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a
very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”
―
George Carlin
“Mistletoe,"
said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost
over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it.
"Good
thinking," said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles.”
―
J.K. Rowling , Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
“Somebody
just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the
shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a
glass door.”
―
Jerry Seinfeld
“There
are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns.
(Bobby Pendragon)”
― D.
J. MacHale, The Quillan Games
“Aren’t
they supposed to be hiring someone else to train me full-time anyway?”
“Yes,”
he said, getting up and pulling her to her feet along with him,“ and I’m
worried that if you get into the habit of making out with your instructors,
you’ll wind up making out with him, too.”
“
Don’t be sexist. They could find me a female instructor.”
“In
that case you have my permission to make out with her, as long as I can watch.”
―
Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
“Watching
Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving
expression.
"Are
you all right?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are
crossing.”
―
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
