Humor
Quotes - I don't do what I'm told
“I
had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy,
never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday,
when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the
fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.”
―
Lady Gaga
“Cats
are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”
―
Garrison Keillor
“It
would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said.
"Have you thought of going into teaching?”
―
Terry Pratchett, Mort
“Harry,
don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could
make life difficult for you..."
"Wow,
I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?" said Harry
sarcastically.”
―
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
“Y'all
smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.”
―
John Green, Looking for Alaska
“When
beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and
the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they
call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle
paddle battle.”
―
Dr. Seuss, Fox in Socks
“Why
it's simply impassible!
Alice:
Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door:
No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!”
―
Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland / Through the Looking-Glass
“Takes
a lot of tries before you hit perfection." He paused to reconsider that.
"Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try."
(Adrian)”
―
Richelle Mead, Bloodlines
“...disbelief
in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business....”
―
Tom Robbins, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues
“Life
sucks, and then you die...”
―
Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn
“The
trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a
rat.”
―
Lily Tomlin
“For
instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from
his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the
thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its
eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last
thing you ever do.”
―
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
“People
assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually*
from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of
wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.”
―
Steven Moffat
“Basia
coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is."
"It's
'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said
Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook."
"Dammit,"
said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me.”
―
Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls
“What
do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course”
―
Marilyn Monroe
“I
don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.”
―
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
“Oh
no. Don't smile. You'll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile.”
―
Tessa Dare, A Lady of Persuasion
“Man,
you weigh a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating,
rocks?"
"Why,
is your head missing some?" I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a
smile, and that's when I knew how upset he'd been”
―
James Patterson, The Angel Experiment
“Heterosexuality
is not normal, it's just common.”
―
Dorothy Parker
“[My
mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think
it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade.
Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.”
―
Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters
“I
don't mean to be rude—" he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in
every syllable.
"Yet,
sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished
the sentence gravely.”
―
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
“The
covers of this book are too far apart.”
―
Ambrose Bierce
“A
banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but
wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
―
Mark Twain
