Wedding
Quotes - Every bride and groom in the history of civilization has gained weight
after their wedding day
“A
bride, before a "Good-night" could be said,
Should
vanish from her clothes into her bed,
As
souls from bodies steal, and are not spied.
But
now she's laid; what though she be?
Yet
there are more delays, for where is he?
He
comes and passeth through sphere after sphere;
First
her sheets, then her arms, then anywhere.
Let
not this day, then, but this night be thine;
Thy
day was but the eve to this, O Valentine.”
―
John Donne, The Complete English Poems
“It
was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women
to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.”
―
Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
“When
we were arguing on my twenty-fourth birthday, she left the kitchen, came back
with a pistol, and fired it at me five times from right across the table. But
she missed. It wasn't my life she was after. It was more. She wanted to eat my
heart and be lost in the desert with what she'd done, she wanted to fall on her
knees and give birth from it, she wanted to hurt me as only a child can be hurt
by its mother.”
―
Denis Johnson, Jesus’ Son
“I
married a man who was as much a part of me as my own soul.”
―
C.J. English
“I
only want an easy mind, sir; not crushed by crowded obligations.”
―
Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
“Marriage
is not kick-boxing, it's salsa dancing.”
―
Amit Kalantri
“Some
women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when
they are masturbating.”
―
Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
“…I
bet Echo that she couldn't repeat the following line ten times fast:
Cupid's
Academy counts kissing cousins as completed conquests cause his classes
cunningly conspire unconscious couples to copulate and canoodle copiously.”
―
Tai Odunsi, Cupid's Academy: Argus' Big Fat Greek Wedding Ring
“Barbara
appraised her with critical eyes. ‘Oh my. Well, this is going to need some
work.’ She went right to Carmen’s hips and pulled the unfinished seams open.
‘Yes, we’ll have to take this way out. I’m not sure I have enough fabric. I’ll
check when I get back to my office.’
You
are a horrible witch, Carmen thought.
She
knew she looked absolutely awful in the dress. She was part Bourbon Street
whore and part Latina first-communion spectacle.”
―
Ann Brashares, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
“...And
no prenup. Prenups are for people who plan on getting a divorce. I have so
much, Bernie. But I've never had anyone to share it with. From now on, what's
mine is yours”
―
Jane Graves, Black Ties and Lullabies
“If
I ever offer to plan your wedding or sweet sixteen or something, do yourself a
favor and run away screaming.”
―
Gwen Hayes, Totally Tubular
“I
am forever grateful for not knowing—What would have been. WHAT WILL BE holds
none of those bittersweet pangs and it is lit w joy.”
―
Erica Goros
“The
only bit I have pictured in any detail is the music (maybe 'The Book of Love'
by the Magnetic Fields. Or Johnny Cash's 'It Ain't Me, Babe'). It doesn't
matter if the selection is slow or fast, but couples shouldn't scramble to
select it. If you have ever gone dancing or on a road trip or had a romantic
bout of serenaded sex on a winter night, you should have a few to pick from. If
not, you probably shouldn't be getting married.”
―
Sloane Crosley, I Was Told There'd Be Cake: Essays
“Do
not economize on the hymeneal rites; do not prune them of their splendor, nor
split farthings on the day when you are radiant. A wedding is not
house-keeping.”
―
Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
“What
about me?” Wes snapped. “Don’t I get a vote?”
Daniel
shook his head. “She’s willing and you’re breathing. I pronounce you man and
wife.”
―
Jodi Thomas, To Kiss a Texan
“Carmen
stood at the altar wearing a hand-beaded, curve hugging, ivory silk and chiffon
gown that fit so perfectly, it looked as if it had been sewn on her. The fact
that one of the breasts beneath the silken fabric was not her flesh but a form
made of gel didn't detract from the gorgeousness of Carmen the slightest bit.”
―
Kathleen Cross, Schooling Carmen
“Besides,
you know how I love the theater, and let's face it-a wedding is like a big show
followed by a cast party.”
―
Jennifer Allison, Gilda Joyce: The Bones of the Holy
“With
all the strength; Love encompasses compassion, determination, tolerance,
endurance, support, faith and acceptance of whom you love.”
―
Oscar Auliq-Ice
“Never
develop any mysticism, about love; for love itself is a mystic thing that puts
you in a mystic situation.”
―
Oscar Auliq-Ice
“I'm
not having my wedding day spoiled by a couple of horny bridesmaids who can't
decide whether they want to shag or throw up over each other.”
―
Victoria Holmes, Poptastic
“Every
bride and groom in the history of civilization has gained weight after their
wedding day. It is only a matter of time until archaeologists unearth a married
caveman who's wearing a pair of old tux pants that were so tight he couldn't
get the zipper closed.”
―
Peter Scott, There's a Spouse in My House: A Humorous Journey Through the First
Years of Marriage
“The
first three years of our marriage were miserable. Until I got a divorce. A
divorce from loving myself and seeking my own way. I was reading the book of
Galatians one night when I stumbled on the verse, "I no longer live, but
Christ lives in me" (2:20), and the most profound thought hit me: If I am
dead, and Christ lives in me, can my wife see Him there? Finding the right
person, I have since discovered, is less important than being the right person.
The happiest married people I know discovered early on that the
"better" comes after the "worse".”
―
Phil Callaway, Family Squeeze: Tales of Hope and Hilarity for a Sandwiched
Generation
“Color
was a false distinction, love was not.”
―
Dorothy West, The Wedding: A Novel
“Fine.
Will you wear a wedding ring?”
The
question was absurd. “No.”
“So,
I have to wear one, but you don’t?”
“It’s
different.”
“You
mean, it’s sexist?”
―
Penelope Sky, The Wolf and the Sheep
