Fathers
Quotes - There is no such thing as a good father
“It
was Freud's ambition to discover the cause of hysteria, the archetypal female
neurosis of his time. In his early investigations, he gained the trust and
confidence of many women, who revealed their troubles to him.Time after time,
Freud's patients, women from prosperous, conventional families, unburdened
painful memories of childhood sexual encounters with men they had trusted:
family friends, relatives, and fathers. Freud initially believed his patients
and recognized the significance of their confessions. In 1896, with the
publication of two works, The Aetiology of Hysteria and Studies on Hysteria, he
announced that he had solved the mystery of the female neurosis. At the origin
of every case of hysteria, Freud asserted, was a childhood sexual trauma.
But
Freud was never comfortable with this discovery, because of what it implied
about the behavior of respectable family men. If his patients' reports were
true, incest was not a rare abuse, confined to the poor and the mentally
defective, but was endemic to the patriarchal family. Recognizing the implicit
challenge to patriarchal values, Freud refused to identify fathers publicly as
sexual aggressors. Though in his private correspondence he cited
"seduction by the father" as the "essential point" in
hysteria, he was never able to bring himself to make this statement in public.
Scrupulously honest and courageous in other respects, Freud falsified his
incest cases. In The Aetiology of Hysteria, Freud implausibly identified
governessss, nurses, maids, and children of both sexes as the offenders. In
Studies in Hysteria, he managed to name an uncle as the seducer in two cases.
Many years later, Freud acknowledged that the "uncles" who had
molested Rosaslia and Katharina were in fact their fathers. Though he had shown
little reluctance to shock prudish sensibilities in other matters, Freud
claimed that "discretion" had led him to suppress this essential
information.
Even
though Freud had gone to such lengths to avoid publicly inculpating fathers, he
remained so distressed by his seduction theory that within a year he repudiated
it entirely. He concluded that his patients' numerous reports of sexual abuse
were untrue. This conclusion was based not on any new evidence from patients,
but rather on Freud's own growing unwillingness to believe that licentious
behavior on the part of fathers could be so widespread. His correspondence of
the period revealed that he was particularly troubled by awareness of his own
incestuous wishes toward his daughter, and by suspicions of his father, who had
died recently.
p9-10”
―
Judith Lewis Herman, Father-Daughter Incest
“And
what could my father possibly want with another child, when he hardly bothered
to talk to the one he already had?”
―
Polly Shulman, Enthusiasm
“There
is no such thing as a good father because the role itself is bad. Strict
fathers, soft fathers, nice moderate fathers — one's as bad as another. They
stand in the way of our progress while they try to burden us with their
inferiority complexes, and their unrealized aspirations, and their resentments,
and their ideals, and the weaknesses they've never told anyone about, and their
sins, and their sweeter-than-honey dreams, and the maxims they've never had the
courage to live by — they'd like to unload all that silly crap on us, all of
it!”
―
Yukio Mishima, The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea
“He
made a good salary but he did not flaunt it. He’d been raised in Chicago proper
by a Lithuanian Jewish mother who had grown up in poverty, telling stories,
often, of extending a chicken to its fullest capacity, so as soon as a
restaurant served his dish, he would promptly cut it in half and ask for a
to-go container. Portions are too big anyway, he’d grumble, patting his
waistline. He’d only give away his food if the corners were cleanly cut, as he
believed a homeless person would just feel worse eating food with ragged
bitemarks at the edges – as if, he said, they are dogs, or bacteria. Dignity,
he said, lifting his half-lasagna into its box, is no detail.”
―
Aimee Bender, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake
“Many
writers, especially male ones, have told us that it is the decease of the
father which opens the prospect of one's own end, and affords an unobstructed
view of the undug but awaiting grave that says 'you're next.' Unfilial as this
may seem, that was not at all so in my own case. It was only when I watched
Alexander [my own son] being born that I knew at once that my own funeral
director had very suddenly, but quite unmistakably, stepped onto the stage. I
was surprised by how calmly I took this, but also by how reluctant I was to
mention it to my male contemporaries.”
―
Christopher Hitchens, Hitch 22: A Memoir
“Well,
it doesn't look good. Makes me look like one of those unloved latchkey children
they make after-school specials about."
"Don't
sell yourself short. You're more Masterpiece Theatre.”
―
Marisha Pessl, Special Topics in Calamity Physics
“We
are not called to fight the battles of our fathers with a blind faith. We are
called to examine their wars, and moreover, to discern whether their actions
were sinful or just. Furthermore, we are called to decide whether to correct
the errors of our fathers battles through either peace, war, or some
combination of the two. We are not bonded to our fathers' fate, but rather
called to build on their trespasses or triumphs for a better future.”
―
Cristina Marrero
“Hey
Jade?' He called out holding two packages of maxi pads.
I
shook my head violently to stop Dad from talking, but from where he stood, I
doubted he could see I was talking to a boy. A mildly annoying, but nonetheless
cute boy.
'Do
you want wings or no wings?'
It
was official.
This
was shaping up to be the Most. Embarrassing. Day. Ever.”
―
Helene Boudreau, Real Mermaids Don’t Wear Toe Rings
“There's
no better cure for the fear of taking after one's father, than not to know who
he is.”
―
André Gide, The Counterfeiters
“All
her young life she has tried to please her father, never quite realizing that,
as a girl, she never could.”
―
Alice Walker
“The
best fathers have the softest, sweetest hearts. In other words, great dads are
real marshmallows.”
―
Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons: Quotes, Poetry, & a Few Short
Stories for Every Day of the Year
“You
never would get through to the end of being a father, no matter where you
stored your mind or how many steps in the series you followed. Not even if you
died. Alive or dead a thousand miles distant, you were always going to be on
the hook for work that was neither a procedure nor a series of steps but,
rather, something that demanded your full, constant attention without
necessarily calling you to do, perform, or say anything at all.”
―
Michael Chabon, Telegraph Avenue
“Oh,
my dear, love isn't always the coup de foudre--the lightning strike. Sometimes
it happens quietly, so quietly you may not even notice.”
―
Julia Justiss, Convenient Proposal to the Lady
“What
are they, Dad? Cows, son. What are cows, Dad? Cows are cows, son.”
―
Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes
